What turns men off? The complete beginners guide.

Men are frustrating, shallow, insensitive creatures. I’mma right ladies?

Yet we keep chasing them and we keep loving them!!

WHY? because despite these characteristics that i’m sure we’ve all had to endure at some point in our lives, men also know how to make you feel some kind of way.

Infact let me just steal a quote from Taylor Swift to explain what i mean…

“When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he’s everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he’s not easy to spot; he’s really funny, and he makes you laugh and he has perfect hair.”

Amen.

Or us girls could all just be honest and confess that actually it’s just their cologne.

Yeah if guys didn’t know how to pick out the perfect smell then i’m pretty sure we’d all be lesbians by now. But thats just my theory.

All jokes a side though, you girls know what i’m talking about when i say that boys have some kind of power over us.

I’ve known this ever since i was 13 and purchased a £5 top from primark that read BOYS. BAGS. SHOES.

Total fashion suicide i know.

So if you’re sat there wondering if there is anyway that you can get that guy to love you back or at least keep him interested? Then look no further…

After a few weeks of crying into a jar of Nutella after a recent heartbreak *plays violin dramaticially* I’ve decided to share my mistakes from the break up with the sisterhood because i think i finally know what men want. Or at least what they don’t want.

Here is the research that i have conducted whilst pissed singing along to SORRY by Justin Bieber:

1. The jealous girlfriend. OK so it’s kind of cute in the begining but annoying after a while. So at least let him text his mum and other female family members 😉

No it infuritates me when i see girls boyfriends liking other girls pictures on instagram…

And boys don’t seem to understand why this is such a bad thing.

Well how about it’s because us girls are usually insecure creatures who constantly need to be told that we’re pretty? 🙂

So liking another girls picture on instagram kind of makes us feel like we’re not good enough…

But boys don’t get this so instead just keep your cool gurl and go hit like on his best friends pictures if it makes you feel better.

2. The crazy girlfriend. With this i’m talking about texting/calling your boyfriend 24/7. Trust me i’ve been in love and i know what it’s like to just want to be in contact with someone all the time because you love them so much and they have a cute smile.

But has a boy ever took over an hour to reply and you’ve found that you’re suddenly Britney Spears from 2007?

WHY WON’T YOU REPLY TO MY TEXTS?? britney 2007

britney
Yeah i think we all have a crazy alter ego that we didn’t even knew existed until we fell hopelessly in love and desperate.

Although if he’s ignoring you on purpose then go ahead and get psycho on his ass, i mean it’s ok if you’re cute right?
Pyscho

Which leads me to number 3

3. The desperate girlfriend. Ok so after spending many hours on exboyfriendrecovery.com Just kidding. No that actually is a real thing though ( I love the internet)

I’ve learnt that desperation is a turn off.

Ever heard that men love the chase? or boys only want what they can’t have. Yeah it’s all true.

I guess Taylor Swift was right once again when she sang “Loves a game wanna play?”

So don’t be desperate, instead try and be hard to get even if you want them. Even if you’re too good for them anyway and instead of ignoring you they should be counting their blessings.

4. The slutty girlfriend. This one is rather obvious…men love sluts unless it’s their girlfriend. So if you’re tryna impress a guy by telling him how many you’ve had in the sack then you should probably stop doing that. I mean it’s okay to make them a little jealous but don’t over do it.

5. The emotional girlfriend Ok so honestly i feel like guys don’t have a right to complain about this but they do. I mean if you’re gonna date someone who has a vagina then you’re probably gonna be dating someone who cries a lot and gets really emotional. I mean being in love is an emotional experience but so is being on your period….feelings

BUT try and keep it together. Show them that you love them but not too much.

And if they break up with you don’t send them a massive declaration of how much you love them…because they already knew you did and they still dumped you. Ouch.

Hey being in love is such an amazing feeling and I think that if someone truly loves you then they’ll forgive you for breaking 1 or all of the 5 rules above. Yes even the Britney Spears one.

I was in a pub recently (shocker) and after a few drinks i spoke to a few girls in the restroom (Shout out to all of you) and it was nice to know that we all get a little crazy in love sometimes and that’s OK 😉

So if you’ve lost your dignity over a boy and you’re feeling a little blue just remind yourself that boys are dumb.

And chocolate will mend your broken heart.

So can vodka. 😉

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